Dear Me,
First thing
first; I love you.
I love the
way you smile, I love the way you cry.
Do you
realize that you have dimples (don’t know if it called dimples) under the
corner of your inner eyes everytime you laugh? I remember when you laugh in
front of mirror and you said to yourself that the way you laugh is so ugly, and
you try to practice how to laugh to look better in your made-up-version. Now I
said, don’t. You look beautiful.
I love the
way you walk.
You said
that no feminism in the way you walk, and none will like you. You didn’t sway
your butt, no wiggle-waggle. Your butt looks normal, your legs looks strong,
and you walk firmly. You walk normal, and definitely someone will like the way
you walk, just like how I do.
I love the
way your skin are.
You didn’t
have any acne until college, but when you start using beauty product, acne's
everywhere. One was cured, others appear. I know how hard you have tried to
heal all those acne. You said your arms have thousand of heat spot, flecks and
freckles, and you didn’t have any confidence to use sleeveless top. You said
your thighs are big and fat, so you didn’t have any confidence to use the short
pants. But God create you perfectly like how He adore you to be. He create
every curves you had, and He loves you. Have confidence, dear.
I love your
round, chubby face.
I know that
lots of people teased and mocked you. They called you Doraemon, Dorami, round
face, fat, or no chin face. You try so hard to make V-shape for your jawline by
massaging every night. That’s your attribute, dear. No one will recognize a
beautiful Regina without round and chubby face. Be proud of it!
I love your
curly hair.
When you saw
another girl with straight and long hair, you wants to copy them. You straight
your hair with straightener, and you keep your hair long. But I proud of you
when you emphasize the curliness of your hair. You tied it neatly, and the
hair-bang makes your face looks cute, ageless. Even the strangers are hard to
believe that you’re almost 25 this year and at the age when you actually needs
to get married. They all thought you’re still in college. How beautiful you
are!
I love your
personality, your traits, your flaws, your minus, your good and bad.
You are
human being, you learn to be perfect, that’s good. You try to be
straightforward and honest, while everyone else misunderstood your kindness for
greediness and selfishness. You try so hard to fit with everyone, while
everyone doesn’t seem to like you when you fit in. You try to make everyone
laugh with your joke, but later they stabbed you behind. They say you mocked
them and your present discomfort them. And so again, you hurt yourself. You are
not live to please everyone, dear. When they don’t belong to your life, don’t
keep them. With all your flaws, you deserve people who sees it all as an inner
beauty.
You look
tough, you try to act like a lady, think like a man, speak like an elder, play
like a boy, and work like a horse. You cover yourself with your tough
appearance as a defense, so nobody can hurt you. Instead, you hurt yourself. I
know that you are soft-hearted, weak, and a crybaby. No one knows, but I know.
You cry for
a short clip movie that shows about love between lovers, love from the parents,
love to the animals, love to the nature, and love to God. You cry when you
watch how beautiful the nature is, you cry when you watch all those movies and
dramas that even you knew that they’re all made up by scriptwriter.
When life
get rough but you can’t cry out loud, you watched all those movies just to cry
along and let your feelings out, so if anyone ask why your eyes swollen, you
can have reason why you cried. You torture yourself by crying in silence,
because you believe the next day there will be something to make you smile.
Now I said,
don’t. When you torture yourself more, it means you didn’t love the very
lovable creature created by God. Protect yourself, love yourself, don’t hurt
her. You have to know, that way, you hurt me too.
Throughout
life, you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this
person for hours and never get bored, you could tell them things and they won’t
judge you. This person is your soul-mate, your best friend. Don’t ever let them
go, cherish them. But remember, be careful who you share your weaknesses with.
Some people can’t wait for the opportunity to use them against you.
"Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." - John Wooden
Why compare
yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being
you than you. You can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else. Most of the
problems in your life are due to two reasons: you act without thinking, or
think without acting. I’m not telling you it is going to be easy, I’m telling
you it’s going to be worth it. Let your past make you better, not bitter.
6+3 = 9; but
so does 5+4. The way you do things is not always the only way to do them.
Respect other people’s way of thinking. There are people who can accept the
critics, but there aren't. You have to be open minded, accept all critics but
remember to see it thoroughly. Don't be careless.
I know,
lately you're getting more difficult to sleep at night. You feel anxious about
tomorrow, and your brain can't stop thinking. Probably, most of the time you
think about your work, and I know that you worry about money. You think about
how will your family survives in this difficult time, and you'd rather didn't
eat. You lost 6kilos in 2 weeks and that's good, at least you don't have to
worry about how heavy you are. Moreover, some people can't see your goodwill,
but rather judge you about your naturally loud voice or words. When you try to
calm down and explain calmly, they mistook you as rebellious child. Don't
forsaken, Gina, don't mourning. They just can't see you through, you just don't
know how to express your feelings. Stay true in your heart, don't think of
anything else.
If I were
about to give you tons of advice, I could give you a lot. You will get tired of
listening to it. So, I will just stop here with my last words. Stay strong,
Gina, stay strong. You don't know how many hurdles you have to overcome, how
much struggle is needed to get through this life, but stay strong. You never
know how strong you are until being strong is the only way to do it. Stay kind,
Gina, God wants you to do it more. Kind to others, kind to yourself. You work
too hard, dear, but you doing great, I'm proud of you (no one would say this to
you, right?).
Baby, in
this world, lots of people will try to grind you down. They need you to be
small so they can be big. You let them think whatever they want, but you make
sure you get yours. YOU GET YOURS.
I loved you,
I love you still, and I will love you more.
With hugs
and kisses,
You yourself
- ME.
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