Light From Within

I don't want to be like Mom..



I felt like everyone around her always looking at her frivolously. They despised and mocked behind her, and whenever they need something, the first person they would reach out is her. And as dumb as she is, she always lend a hand.
 
I grew up with a strong-hearted (and stone-headed) personality. If I don't like some shit, I speak out of it (and I don't give a damn care about anything -like anyone). Like I said, I don't want to be like Mom. She always watches in silent, and (for sure) never bite back. And that's not me, very unlikely me.
 
I remember, if I came home in silent, locked my self at my room, listened to music out loud, she would fry a dough for me (she called it "roti brot goreng" which I don't know where she get that recipe from), or she would told me to pluck out her small white hair. I knew, she did that only to take me out of my room, and talked to her -so I did. And everytime I told some unpleasant thing that happened at school, she never fail to tell me, "Nda apa-apa Regina, se maaf jo. Bukang ngana pe hak mo balas, biar Tuhan yang balas (It's ok, Regina, just forgive them. It's not your right to avenge, let God do the job)". And so I thought, "No way I could do that". That's not me, very unlikely me.
 
And then, I grew up living apart from her.
 
Many things happened, sad and more sad moments happened. But there's no roti brot goreng anymore to console me. And since I don't want to get her worry, I never told her anything. The only thing I knew, my name will always be in her prayer, so I know life will be better.
 
I don't know since when, but my surroundings always react the same way. They asked me, why do I easily forgive them. My answer always the same, "It's not my right to avenge. Let God do the job. My job is to live my life, it won't be long, I ate too many junk food". And then they laughed. That is me, very me.
 
My mom is not the smartest mom in the world. She never teach me math nor physics or chemistry. She doesn't even know what I've learn at school. She graduated from Law School in University, but it's been ages. She told me that I have to study by myself, she can't afford getting me into a tutoring group or pay a private tutor. But she let me know one precious thing, "The light from the outside is powered by electricity, if PLN (Perusahaan Lilin, ehm, Listrik Negara) shut it down, it would be a black out. But forgive everyone, it would light up your heart, you will have The Light from Within, the eternal light."
 
And that is me, very me becoming like mom.