Paint on Saint

 

"Are you happy?", I asked myself.
"...yes", I blindly answering.
"You sure?", my mind reassuring.
"....."



Many times I've been repeating the same question over and over again. I'm too broken to answer that, for sure. But I still need to continue acting, like "living".. Thousands quotes can't compile with my brain that happiness start from within, from myself, from my own perspective. The truth is, I depend all my happiness on someone that I might barely know, but I pretend that I knew..

I thought early of 2016 will be the last, but who knows, this year is another tough one. Why would I severe through such pain if I knew that I won't make it all along? What would I do without the thing I afraid to lose most?

While the priest continue to lecture the three of us (me, my brain, and my heart) altogether in the church, that we have to start with GOD first, I wonder, where do I start to see everything in that person. While I devour my life, is he worth it?

I contact few person who might help, then comes the lighting struck right onto my head. "What happened? Why did you do this? This is not you!", my heart screaming. "I might do something stupid again", my brain replied, whispering. "Don't...", beg the heart.

You will be ok, you will be ok, you will be alright.
This too will pass..